Fuck this game
I hate the pressure, I hate the tit for tat, I hate the nuance that has no practical application, I hate the acting, the lying, the half truths, the exageration, I hate this fucking dating game!
For the past couple months I've ventured out into the realm of Jdate. I've seen it work, it does for other sites too, and no more games, la dee freakin da! And like most people of my generation, the "date" has basically died off and relationships are born from friendships, hook-ups, etc. So for all intents and purposes I've been going on my first dates, as a 27 year old, now. And I'm loving that I get to skip the "dance" of eye contact then winking the need for inebriation and pick up lines, but now there's the dating. I had one that went well and fizzled, for what reason I don't think I'll ever know. I had another that I think is now a friendship, so bonus, chalk up another friend to the friend pile, but I just had a great date last week that was, at least for me, a "Jaime, wipe that freakin' grin off your face" drive home. And now I have to play the new game of not seeming too interested, and "keeping the ball in my court," don't call before 3 days, jazz steps.
And the thing is, like most things I've learned in my life, I was already taught them in movies. But of course I don't grasp them till they happen to me. Case in point, Swingers. Fucking Favreau couldn't wait and fucked it up with ihs 90 messages on her machine. But in the end it wasn't the game that won out because Heather Grahm called him. Go Heather!
Maybe if I were freaking busy beyond belief I'd be able to handle this better, but I'm not. So my brain loves to keep my perpetual motion machine of thoughts going. Which, I'm sure is a nice thing, a romantic thing, to keep thinking of this girl, but I'm also sure is only creepy in other people's eyes. So I don't call, and I wait, and I have say things like "sure" and "whatever."
But trying to be empathetic, I get why there is a game. I understand how we have such nuance to make each one of us have something special to offer that no one else can. Or at least a new pick up line no one has heard yet. And confidence IS a real turn on, but why is it usually the polar opposite of caring and attentive? And still I'm wondering isn't there a better way people? Tell me there's a better way where we can all be honest and not miss an opportunity that could be "the opportunity" all because we didn't realize all the rules to "the game."
God I hope she doesn't find out how to read this blog!
posted by Jaime Schwarz @ 7:47 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
OMIGAWD! Call this woman! The "Game" is annoying and sad. If she doesn't like you - then she will be "busy" and will be hard to talk to. BUT - if she knows how BRILLIANT AND ADORABLE you truly (TRULY) are, then she will be thrilled that you aren't fucking around! CALL HER!
wow, thanks for the vote of confidence there shopping diva but it's a little more complicated than that. She's really busy this whole week but we're supposed to talk after that so I have to be good and not be too smothery while she's busy and can't talk anyway. But I did invite her to a little thing at PS 122 tomorrow night if she wanted to go "I'd be there anyway." A discussion on "the jewiness of christmas." should be hillarious! Wish you could come.
fuck your partner. worked for me.
Jaimer. Games are poop. As long as you don't stalk her (you won't, will you?) then a phone call to say "hey! what's up?" isn't the same as a marriage proposal.
Besides, if all else fails, follow Concha's advice. ;)
yeah, i have no words of wisdom for you, jaimes. you've got to walk the line between smothering and unattentive. it's hard. personally i don't care for the "I'll be there anyway" angle. When i get that shit i run like the wind the other direction. I'm just sayin'. You're better and more charming than that.
Maybe think of dating as how you'd approach someone with your book. You want to look confident and interested but also convey that you've got other things going on (make them up if you don't). It hurts for about 5 minutes when someone says "I don't like it". But you know and you can move on to showing the next person your book and you haven't wasted a lot of time.
Be cool in your pursuit, but DO pursue (girls like that). Leave nothing questionned, don't do that "i'll be there if you want to see me bullshit" again, schwarz. To continue the analogy, girls are like creative directors, we've seen it all before. when someone finally comes at us with the big idea and they're genuine and nice, how can we help but be interested in turning the pages of Jaime's proverbial dating book?
Jaime, Jaime, Jaime you and I should live in the same city. AT least we could talk each other off the internet dating ledge.
I too have had some similar experience...and some different ones. Here's the thing though.
When you like someone, you are never too busy for a phone call. I would never tell a ghuy I really liked that I was "Busy all week" and give him the impression I didn't want a call. If it's you giving yourself the impression, well, then, that's a different story.
Bottom line, call her. Even when I have a bad date I don't think the guy sucks if he calls me. I think he's a gentleman, and nice, and I'm complimented by his interest.
When it's a good date, I'm THRILLED when the guy calls. The next day, that night, whatever, it's romantic and sweet to know he wants to talk to me.
hopefully i'm not respinding too late but jaime, for the love of god, call her when you feel like calling her - and then tell her that. it's you at your most sincerest, and women can spot that clearer than anything.
what i meant was that if it feels right for you to call her the day after, then do so.
don't do anything because it's the dating industry standard to do so. that's what "just be yourself" actually means.
sincerity. that's the secret.
or lots of money. that works too.
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