...still apparently an idiot on hold. (originally published August 24, 2005)

When we last left our fallen hero he had no phone service. But today, today is a different day. Today there is phone service once again. I spent the entire morning on the phone with Verizon again trying to get the phone turned on after waking up to a dead phone line, not even a dial tone like I had the day before. But I'll tell you what doesn't work, persistance. Persistance does not work. After 2 hours of wrangling and disclosing torid secrets, Kathy (the Verizon rep.) and I found that when Cablevision cancelled my service it was not translated over to Verizon who still had the cancellation of our sevice with them still pending. And to port a number back from Cablevision would take 10 business days. 10 days with out a phone line. But that, that along with the fact that they could get us a dial tone all be it with a different number, was the best case scenario. The worst case scenario was that the number was thrown into the pile because Verizon didn't grab the number back in time. FYI, when a number is thrown back into "the pile" it must remain there in limbo for 90 days, circling around a maze of god knows what till it pops out the other end where any phone company can buy the number and hopefully Verizon would be able to grab it. Then Kathy wanted to try calling my number to see what the status of the line was, but instead of putting me on hold, she disconnected me. I yelled very loudly, took a shower, calmed down, and called Verizon back to ask to be reconnected with Kathy. I got Else (pronounced L-See) who asked if she could be of some help because Kathy was on the other line with a customer (instead of calling me back.) I told Else the situation and she typed for a few minutes and said, "Ok Mr. Schwarz we'll have your line ported back to us in a few hours. If it doesn't work by then call us back." What!? What! So all I had to do was talk to the right person and they could just do it? OK! Okalie dokalie dooo! Kathy called a few minutes later and I told her what had happened. She was puzzled as well and I just said goodbye. And by the end of the day the phone was back on. So you see boys and girls, when someone doesn't give you the right answer, hang up on them, hang up on them early. Then call back and see if that person can help you. And just rinse and repeat till that works. Now all I have to do is get the two broken phone jacks on the other line fixed...